Fall is here, it is healing me. 


My baby boy is bringing me such delight. My children are growing, thriving. 


I am happy. 


Is this what it feels like? I wonder what calamities could be lurking. But all I have is here, now. 


I am being. I am bringing beauty into the world. 


I am breathing. There is space in my mind for wonder. 


I am grieving. I long for the people who won't leave me for the familiar, the comfortable, the knowable.


Where are the friends with room enough for my questions? Where are the people who won't shun me for my uncertainties? Is there anyone I'm not "too much" for?


I'm sick of the same old people who have the same old answers who read the same old books. Where are the ones willing to go to the edges of their faith, wondering how far it will stretch? Where are the ones willing to pave new trails, pitch tent in the wilderness, push back against the doctrine?


Am I the only one who just cannot handle the Jesus shirts, the use of Gospel as an adjective, the fear tactics?


Your bullet points are bars of a cage to me, don't you see how wild He is? The Word of God is not your Bible; it's Jesus.


Is anyone else as mad as I am? Is anyone else catching glimpses of His abounding love that seems to transcend the stifling doctrine in your textbook? 


Is anyone else hungry for catching Him in the trees, in the outcasts, outside your homeschool coop and Bible study? 


I'm desperate for the edges of Him, the parts that have seen the worst of this world. I'm desperate for the unknowns of Him. You talk merely of obeying Him; I want to disagree with Him and argue with Him and come away limping. I want to wrestle with Him and feel Him wrestle back.


I want mystery, playfulness, doubt, enchantment. I want to be wooed and rued. I pushback grounded in delight, not suspicion. 


Is this even possible?

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