enchanted angst

 Black mourning clothes they say grief is hidden under all the anger so I keep following the anger like some miserable rainbow to the pot of gold of grief at the end Will I ever find it? the anger ebbs but then there is numbness nothingness Black like bitter coffee is there only stains at the bottom of the mug? I wince and sip it's lukewarm now is there grief at the bottom? And if there is what then? will I merely trade anger for tears? Haven't I cried enough? Where do I find healing? I long to say I'm past it to wear the colors ditch the black but the dreams keep coming the anger flows back What do you do when you long for God's wrath instead of his mercy? I am ashamed to want it for the ones who have betrayed me The Jesus answers come swiftly but those answers do not drain the cisterns of my anger.